25. Describe a time you felt alone

As I sit in my bed with the rain falling outside I am in tears. I don't exactly know why but I think I know part of the reason. I had an awesome day helping out at an Ultimate Frisbee tournament taping people's injuries, helping set up and take down the fields, and taking in the action. Late in the day I got cold and a friend of my gave me his jacket which was really warm. When I got home I yelled at my dad for always being in a shitty mood and being disrespectful. I don't regret half the stuff I say and forgiveness doesn't come easily unless I have known you for a long time or embraced you as a friend early on.
So why I feel alone. Going to be straight up honest here: I have no friends my own age, I don't know why I'm still in college, I don't know why I'm still in this town, I don't know what I want in life and I have a crush on a guy who doesn't even know my name. All I do know is that music, hockey, writing, and Ultimate Frisbee players are my only comforts in life. I do realize there are probably people who have had similar problems and I want to know how they go through. I have trust issues with people partly because I have a fear of getting hurt like I did in middle school ( I was bullied at bit).
 All I want is to be happy and if that means changing who I am and forgetting about certain people in my life so be it. If I had a job and the money I would leave home and begin a new life where no one knew me. There are things that would  be unfinished and left unsaid but isn't that part of life? Before I'd leave I would tell that one person I love that I love them even if they don't love me back, That's one thing that would not go unsaid.
So I guess you could say I've been alone for sometime now. I'm not depressed, I do have moments  of happiness like I did today but they don't come that often. I'd be happy if I could live the life I dream of: being free and on my own in a city where no one knows me or my past. When I think about this there are two songs that come to mind, Boston by Augustana and The Reckless and The Brave by All Time Low. If you've heard either of these songs you understand why they fit my situation.
I realized I used to word know a lot. ha

80. Thunderstorms… Inspiring or scary?

When I was a little kid I was deathly afraid of thunderstorms. I would hide under my blankets and plug my ears so I wouldn't hear the thunder. I don't remember how old I was but there was a tornado warning for the town I live in and I went to the basement with my dad and the dogs. My mom didn't think it was that big of a deal and stayed upstairs. The power flickered but didn't go out and I peaked at the window across from the basement door and it was a mess outside. Once the storm passed we came upstairs and looked out at the backyard. The yard was a mess and branches and leaves were everywhere. We turned on the news and found out that there was indeed a tornado but it had missed our street and hit the next one a few miles away. The next morning we surveyed the damage and found a trees and been knocked down and the area by the lake was a mess of branches. My dad also found a few of the shingles that had been ripped off the house. That experience made me more afraid of thunderstorms but I was just thankful to be alive.

I think I was about 15 or 16 when there was another bad thunderstorm. There wasn't a tornado but this time the power did go out. My mom and I stayed at my grandpa's house as I was making my Profession of Faith in church that Sunday. Eventually the power got restored and we went back home. There was a lot of damage around the city and trees were blocking some of the roads. I even saw a tree that had landed on a house. Back at home there wasn't much damage except for a tree that fell on our driveway.

When I was little I was afraid of thunderstorms but as I got older that fear lessened. Now I sit outside and watch the lightning if the storm isn't bad. If there is a severe thunderstorm in the middle of the night I will turn of the TV to make sure there isn't a tornado warning and keep it on until the storm is gone. As a little kid thunderstorms were scary but now they are inspiring. Thunderstorms and tornadoes are the raw power of nature and even though we are tempted to watch them it's better to stay safe.

72. If you had only one wish, what would you wish for?

If I had one wish I would wish to be happy. The last time I was truly happy was when I was at a Notre Dame hockey game. It was the championship game of the CCHA and I was down at the glass watching the players skate around. My favorite player noticed me and my heart skipped a beat. It wasn't a home game so I was a bit surprised he had seen me. Being at the hockey games is the only time I feel happy. Being surrounded by hockey fans is a gift and I don't feel ashamed at yelling at the players or officials. After a weekend of games, Sunday morning my voice is usually hoarse from yelling and cheering. I'm not exactly sure why hockey makes me happy but I think part of it is being around the players. Twice during the season there were skates with them after a game and I went and skated with them. I think another reason why hockey makes me happy is the atmosphere of Notre Dame. Everyone is so friendly and there is so much that the team does to give back to the community like the skates, teddy bear toss, and jersey auctions to raise money. I feel home when I go to the Compton Family Ice Arena and that's what makes me happy.

I wish to be happy because I'm usually stressed or upset about something. I feel like something is missing from my life but I can't figure out what it is.

I know this is a short post and I haven't posted in a LONG time but I promise to write more now that I'm done with school.

my song :)

2. What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?

So I'm a huge sports fan and the only channels my TV sees are the ESPN channels, NBC Sports Network and the NHL Network. It's no question that the websites I visit are the same way. In no particular order these are the five websites I visit often.

ESPN.com: What's not to love about this website?! It's got everything I need for all the sports I love and it keeps me up to date with everything. I usually visit for breaking news, rumors, and highlights of soccer matches.

NHL.com: I'm a hockey fan more than any other sport and I visit this website everyday. I get my latest news and highlights of all the games. The lockout was one of the most frustrating things for a hockey fan and I was about ready to give up hope that there was going to be a season.

penguins.nhl.com: The website of the Pittsburgh Penguins. It gives me all the latest news about the team and I love reading the Penguins Report on game day. One of the features I love about this website is all the inside content about the team everything from game highlights to interviews and the excellent behind the scenes video series called Inside The Room. It's basically my stop for all things Penguins related. :)

und.com/sports/m-hockey: The website for all things Notre Dame Hockey. One of the things I love about this site is the the reports for the weekend games. It gets me ready by giving all the stats and what to expect from the other team. I also love reading the articles about the team and watching the videos of the highlights. Since I have season tickets I know all the players by number and I really just love watching the action.

MSN.foxsports.com: I don't visit this website as often as I do the other ones but still it gives me the info on what I'm looking for. I go here for tennis info and updates on Rafael Nadal, my favorite tennis player. This is also my favorite website for all things soccer related. I bounce from here to ESPN for soccer but I like this site better. I love the English Premier League but my favorite team is Barcelona. Yes of course I love Messi!

I visit more websites that these five including youtube, MLSsoccer and theahl.com.

I think I am a bit obsessed with sports and I'm not your typical girl who likes all the celebrity stuff and fashion. I'm an athlete of a sport that many people don't know about yet but it is gaining popularity. I play Ultimate Frisbee and I love it. I've been around sports all my life. My grandpa is a big Michigan fan and I grew up watching NASCAR because my dad and brother would watch it. My love of hockey started when I was a little kid watching the Mighty Ducks movies. :)

79. Describe your first car

Days before I started college I got my licence. I'm embarrassed to say this but I failed my drivers test twice and on the third try I passed. I actually got my car before I got my licence. My dad and I were driving up to Watervliet, Michigan so I could practice on a driving course up there. I saw the car on the way up there and on the way back my dad pulled over so I could take a look. The car was a 1994 Mustang convertible and it looked like it was in good condition. I put the two phone numbers into my phone and when we go home we called the people up. They gave us more information and we put an offer in. There was already another offer on it and the guy was getting his financial information together. We went back a few days later and took it for a test drive and it drove great. A few days after that we got the call that the other guy didn't get his financial information together so we got the car for $4,000. I was quite happy that we got it because my dream car has always been a Mustang.  The money came from my grandma who had gave my parents money for school or anything and they used it to buy my car. After I got my licence I drove the Mustang with the roof down to school with my music blaring. I looked like a bad ass teenage with my sunglasses on and my music blaring. :)  I had started school on a Thursday so I drove it Friday and to church on Sunday.

On the way to church I noticed my speedometer had stopped working and I freaked out. My dad was right behind me in his truck so we switched cars and he drove the Mustang the rest of the way. The problem ended up being something to do with a box in the trunk and my dad was able to order a new one.  Another problem that my car was having was whenever I would turn the wheel while the car was in park the front would be very squeaky. We took the car in and it was something to do with the rod in front and one of the bearings by the wheel. The car also needed new tires and the total bill for everything was over $1,000. After all the work that was done on my car it now runs perfectly fine. 

I take really good care of my car and I wash it often keeping it nice and shiny. It usually takes me two hours to wash, wax, clean the tires and wheels, and do the interior. I always ride with the roof down as I enjoy the thrill of the wind in my hair. I can't drive it in the winter because it's a convertible and it doesn't ride well on snow covered roads. It only holds ten gallons of gas so I have to fill it up every week and a half.  I have really sharp eyes and if it wasn't for me seeing the car on the side of the road I wouldn't have my own car today. 

Here is a picture of it. I've never seen a Mustang this color but I have see some with white roofs like mine has.  

It's not even close to my dream Mustang which is this one but I'm still happy. 

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy with school and I couldn't find time to write much. I finished my first semester of college and I passed all of my classes. I start my spring semester next Thursday. I know it's weird that I go back on a Thursday and yes of course I hate that. To be honest, I haven't been that happy recently and I don't know why. The only places that I am happy are the Ultimate Frisbee field and at ND hockey games. I'm not depressed just a bit confused and unhappy that's all. I promise to start writing more and do at least two blog posts a week. This coming semester I will be taking my laptop with me to school so hopefully I can find time to write in between my classes. So stay tuned for more blog posts in the near future!

37. Daily Routine

As a student I don't have class at the same time every weekday. Tuesday and Thursday I have class at 9 a.m. and Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I don't have class until 12:00 p.m. So this blog is about my morning routine on my noon class days from last semester.

I usually wake up around 8:30 and I go downstairs phone in hand and let my dog out of his cage. My dad is the first one to leave the house and he locks my dog in a cage. If my dog is ever left downstairs by himself, he gets into everything. After I let him out I sit on the couch and flip on the TV to ESPN and watch SportsCenter until 10. Then I go upstairs and get ready for school. I go  through my closet and try to find something fashionable depending on what the weather is like. Next I head to the bathroom and I brush my hair, put my makeup on if I feel like wearing any, brush my teeth and use mouthwash then it's back downstairs for some breakfast/lunch. I usually eat whatever is in the fridge or a bowl of cereal. The last few days I've been eating waffles and bagels. I let the dogs outside for a few minutes and then I let them back in and I grab my coat, keys, purse, and backpack and I'm out the door. Depending on the route I take to school it usually takes me 25 minutes to get there.

Currently one of the most played songs in my car. It's on repeat a lot too.