Saturday, June 29, 2013

25. Describe a time you felt alone

As I sit in my bed with the rain falling outside I am in tears. I don't exactly know why but I think I know part of the reason. I had an awesome day helping out at an Ultimate Frisbee tournament taping people's injuries, helping set up and take down the fields, and taking in the action. Late in the day I got cold and a friend of my gave me his jacket which was really warm. When I got home I yelled at my dad for always being in a shitty mood and being disrespectful. I don't regret half the stuff I say and forgiveness doesn't come easily unless I have known you for a long time or embraced you as a friend early on.
So why I feel alone. Going to be straight up honest here: I have no friends my own age, I don't know why I'm still in college, I don't know why I'm still in this town, I don't know what I want in life and I have a crush on a guy who doesn't even know my name. All I do know is that music, hockey, writing, and Ultimate Frisbee players are my only comforts in life. I do realize there are probably people who have had similar problems and I want to know how they go through. I have trust issues with people partly because I have a fear of getting hurt like I did in middle school ( I was bullied at bit).
 All I want is to be happy and if that means changing who I am and forgetting about certain people in my life so be it. If I had a job and the money I would leave home and begin a new life where no one knew me. There are things that would  be unfinished and left unsaid but isn't that part of life? Before I'd leave I would tell that one person I love that I love them even if they don't love me back, That's one thing that would not go unsaid.
So I guess you could say I've been alone for sometime now. I'm not depressed, I do have moments  of happiness like I did today but they don't come that often. I'd be happy if I could live the life I dream of: being free and on my own in a city where no one knows me or my past. When I think about this there are two songs that come to mind, Boston by Augustana and The Reckless and The Brave by All Time Low. If you've heard either of these songs you understand why they fit my situation.
I realized I used to word know a lot. ha